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Sample Agreements

(These are some of the agreements I've seen couples make.)


Couple: We agree that we're a couple. We agree that we're in a relationship.

Honesty: We agree to be honest and open with each other, and not to use "brutal honesty."

Trust: We agree to trust each other, and to believe what each other says over what anyone outside the relationship says.

Agreements: We agree to keep agreements. We agree all agreements are renegotiable.

Negotiation: We agree to negotiate win-win agreements.

Broken agreements: We agree to deal with broken agreements with renegotiation.

Monogamy: We agree to be monogamous. Or: We agree to have an open relationship.

Priority: We agree our relationship is our number one priority.

Safety: We agree to make this relationship safe.

No violence: We agree not to physically hurt each other, under any conditions, no matter how angry anyone gets.

No yelling: We agree not to raise our voices in anger.

No venting:We agree not to vent emotions, (which is different from feeling and expressing).

Name calling: We agree not to call each other names.

Accusations: We agree not to accuse each other.

No showing anger: We agree not to show anger in each other's presence.

Self defense: We agree to use non-violent self defense on each other when we feel abused.

No sulking: We agree not to sulk or brood.

No moodiness: We agree not to be moody.

Freedom: We agree that being a couple will make us both more free rather than less free. We agree to support each other's freedom.

Jealousy: We agree to not be jealous or possessive of each other.

Looking: We agree it's OK to look at other people.

Flirting: We agree it's OK to flirt with other people, but not to kiss other people.

No criticism: We agree not to criticize each other.

No blame: We agree not to blame others (criticism) or ourselves (guilt).

Melodrama: We agree we won't use melodrama.

Accusations: We agree not to accuse each other.

Perfection: We agree to regard each other as perfect.

No contempt: We agree not to call each other names or treat each other with contempt.

No sarcasm: We agree not to use sarcastic humor.

No threats: We agree not to threaten each other.

No mind reading: We agree not to attribute feelings and motives to each other.

Checking: We agree not to check on each other, but to do check ins instead.

Time outs: We agree to use time-outs,and to honor each other's time-out calls.

Solitude: We agree it's OK to take times of solitude.

Locked doors: We agree neither of us will walk through closed doors without permission. We agree we won't lock doors to keep each other out.

Finances: We agree she will be in charge of the finances.

Schedule: We agree to make a schedule and put it on the fridge. We agree to schedule in breaks, play, family time, couple time, and time for sex.

Chores list: We agree to make a chores list and post it on the wall.

Chores: We agree we'll divide up the chores, post a list on the fridge, and check them off as we do them.

Messiness: We agree he'll pick up after himself and hang up his towels. We agree he can be as messy as he wants in the garage.

Coming home: We agree he'll come home to a cheerful wife in a messy house, and he gets cave time to watch TV and play with the kids.

Support: We agree to support and nurture each other. We agree to comfort and reassure each other.

Sensitivity: We agree to be sensitive to each others' feelings.

Holding: We agree to hold each other (sitting up, nonsexual) at least an hour a day. We agree that either can ask to be held.

Crying: We agree she can cry anytime she wants to, and he'll respond by offering to hold her.

Holding hands: We agree she can initiate holding hands in public anytime.

Sex: We agree to schedule sex for a time every day when we both have energy. We agree either can initiate sex. We agree he will make sure there's time and energy for sex. We agree to separate sex from nurturing and talking.

Asking for help: We agree to ask each other for help when we need it.

Expressing: We agree he will express feelings more.

Self care: We agree that we'll each practice self care.

Self defense: We agree we'll practice self defense, hold up a hand and say stop when our sweetie is abusive.

Self worth: We agree that neither of us will base our self worth on this relationship, or on success.

Praise: We agree to praise each other. We agree either can ask for praise.

Cabin fever: We agree that he will help her do something about being home alone doing childcare all day.

Play: We agree to play and have fun, to enjoy life and each other.