SEX SKILLS IN COMMON:
Many of the sex skills are common to both men and women: tenderness, sensitivity, making love in a spirit of giving, playfulness, openness, vulnerability, the ability to go into trance.... For many women talking is more intimate than sex, so perhaps talking should be considered one of the sex skills.
SEX SKILLS THAT ARE DIFFERENT:
FOR WOMEN: The primary sex skill that's unique to women seems to be having an orgasm. Most women develop the ability to have orgasms. 21% of women aren't able to have orgasms yet. The other 79% have learned, usually by the time they're in their mid-20s, and then the rest of their lives they can learn to make them better and better. Part of making orgasms better is learning to go into orgasmic trance.
How to learn to come: Statistically speaking, most women first learn to come through solitary masturbation.
How to come during intercourse: A woman who answered my sex survey said, "control (ensure) clitoral stimulation via position and movement." One woman told me it was a matter of being present in her body, in the experience.
How to increase the power of orgasms: Being present in the experience.
FOR MEN: The primary sex skill unique to men seems to be delaying orgasm until his partner has had all the orgasms she desires. For 25% of men, this isn't difficult, as they don't come every time they have intercourse anyway. For the other 75%, who do come every time, they may have to learn how to delay.
How to learn to delay: Feel more deeply. When you get close to orgasm, suck your breath in while clenching your penis, and then let your breath out while relaxing it. Move your pelvis from side to side to calm your sexual energy. Visualize yourself sucking energy in from everywhere and channeling it into your lover.
How to come: For men who have a hard time coming, something that almost always works is withdrawing almost all the way and then masturbating. Some men find sex in doggie position aids arousal.
How to learn to feel your partner's orgasms in your own body: I don't know how this happens, even though it happened to me. I had a partner who had continuous orgasms, and I noticed it one day. How lovely.
Here's a version of Sex Skills you can download: