Home

Skills

Untalk

Death

Novel

Movies

Services

FAQ

Fees

About me

Contact Me

Forms

For Counselors

Fun Stuff

Sex Test

Cartoons 1

Cartoons 2

Cartoons 3

Cartoons 4

Cartoons 5

Cartoons 6

Cartoons 7

Cartoons 8

Marketing

Links

Defenses

10 Bulls

Purpose of Life

Coyote

Paradoxes

Rape

Overview

Stories

The Fall

Preparing

E-Mail


 

Child Development


Child Development,

by Billy Collins



As sure as prehistoric fish grew legs
and sauntered off the beaches into forests,
working up some irregular verbs for their
first conversation, so three-year-old children
enter the phase of name-calling.

Every day a new one arrives and is added
to the repertoire. You Dumb Goopyhead,
You Big Sewerface, You Poop-on-the-floor
(a kind of Navajo ring to that one)
they yell from knee level, their little mugs
flushed with challenge.
Nothing Samuel Johnson would bother tossing out
in a pub, but then the toddlers are not trying
to devastate some fatuous Enlightenment hack.

They are just tormenting their fellow squirts
or going after the attention of the giants
way up there with their cocktails and bad breath,
talking baritone nonsense to other giants,
waiting to call them names after thanking
them for the lovely party and hearing the door close.

The mature save their hothead invective
for things: an errant hammer, tire chains,
or receding trains missed by seconds,
though they know in their adult hearts,
even as they threaten to banish Timmy to bed
for his appalling behavior,
that their bosses are Big Fatty Stupids,
their wives are Dopey Dopeheads
and that they themselves are Mr. Sillypants.

Here's a version you can download:

Download Child_Development.rtf