a poem by Bill Hershey,
read at Elko by Waddie Mitchell
You know, I never been much for shoppin.
In fact, I try to stay away from town.
Except when shippin time comes, I ain't too easily found.
But the day come when I had to go. Well, I left the kids with Ma.
But before I left she asked me, "Would you pick me up a bra?"
Well, without thinkin I said, sure. How tough could that job be?
I bent down and kissed her, said, "I'll be back by three."
But when I done the things I needed to, I started to regret
Ever offerin to buy that thing. I was workin up a sweat.
I crossed the street to the ladies' shop with my hat pulled over
I wasn't takin any chances. See, I didn't want to get recognized.
Well, I walked up to the sales clerk. I didn't hem nor haw.
Told the lady straight out, "Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."
From behind I heard some snickers, so I turned around to see
At least fifteen women in that store, all gawkin right at me.
"What kind would you be lookin for?" Well, I just scratched
I'd only seen one kind before. "Thought bras was bras," I said.
She give me a disgusted look, said, "Sir, that's where you're
Come with me," I heard her say. And like a dog I tagged along.
She took me down this alley where them bras was on display.
I thought my jaw would hit the floor when I seen that lingerie.
They had all these different styles, shapes like I'd not seen
I figured I'd go crazy before I left that women's store.
They had bras you'd wear for 18 hours, bras that cross your
Bras the lift and separate, and that was just the start.
Heck, they had bras that make you feel like you weren't wearin
one at all,
And bras that you could train in when you start off when you're
Well, I finally made my mind up. I picked a black and lacy one.
I told the lady just to bag it up, and figured I was done.
But then she asked me for the size. I didn't hesitate.
I knew them measurements by heart. I said, "Six and
"Surely that's not right."
"Well, yes, Ma'am, I'm positive. I measured them last night."
I thought that she'd go in shock, must have took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust was the same as my hat
"You see, that's what I used to measure with. I figured it was
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry, Ma'am." That just drew another
Well, by now a crowd had gathered. They was all crackin up
When the lady asked to see my hat so she could measure for
When she finally had it figured, I gave the gal her pay.
I turned to leave the store, tipped my hat and said, "Good day."
My wife had heard the whole story before I even made it home.
You see, she'd talked to 15 women who had called her on the
She was still laughin, but by then I didn't care,
Cuz now she don't ask,
and I don't shop,
for no more women's wear.
Here's a version you can download: